ASK THE EXPERT - February 2016

1. Depressed

Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: The information provided is unclear and insufficient to provide a response. Kindly elaborate on what you mean by ‘depression'? What are the signs and symptoms? Has there been a recent change in the child's life? How are you currently helping the child cope with the situation?

2. My daughter named xxxx has a very good and nice behavior and mashaallah she is good at all things but the teachers there show their favouritism and she is not doing good as the teachers are humiliating her and her 2 of friends named xxxx and xxxx that is not good please ask the teachers to become nice with them

Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: I am sorry to hear that your daughter and her friends feel humiliated due to the behavior of the teacher. It may help if you ask your daughter about specific things that the teacher does or say that makes your daughter feel humiliated as well as what she means by favoritism towards other girls. This will just help clarify in your own mind, if what your daughter and friends feel actually falls under favoritism. Once you are clear on that, it is suggested that you bring up this issue with the principal of the school so that it can be addressed properly.

3. My son is studying in class 7. Everyday when he comes home back from school at around 2:45 pm he feel so tired that he tries to sleep all day even till 8 o' clock in night. He is also getting too skinny. Why this is happening? Suggest me something that I can do for him.

Gender:Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: It is suggested that you show your son to a medical doctor in order to first evaluate whether the cause of tiredness and loss of weight is due to some physical condition or deficiency. If he gets a clean bill of health from the medical doctor, then we can explore the possible psychological reasons that may be causing these symptoms.

4. I want my daughter to reach the maximum but due to a teacher in her school she could not focus on her studies beacause the teacher is involved in favourism to a girl in her class and she use to scold her even if its not her mistake .kindly give me a suggestion.

Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: Children can easily be discouraged if they feel that another child is being given preference over them. It may help if you ask your daughter about specific things that the teacher does or say that makes your daughter feeling that the teacher is favoring the other girl. If you feel that your daughter is misunderstanding a behavior or situation as favoring the other girl, you can help your daughter see a different perspective to the situation. However, inn case you also feel that the teacher is favoring the other girl, ask your daughter how she would like to resolve the issue, e.g. she may talk to the teacher directly about how she feels, may speak to the principal or may ask you to get involved in speaking to the teacher or the principal about the matter. You can also let her know that each teacher is different and some may not be aware of this behavior and need to be told so that they can change their behavior. You can also let her know that some may still not change despite being given feedback and no matter how discouraging it maybe, they need to know that the problem is with the teacher and not them. All the best!

5. My child is very shy and stubburn as well. he always used to wear clothes according to his own choice. he has lack of confidence and i am worried about this how i can change his behavior into positive sense

Gender: Male Age: 3 to 5 Category: Behavioral Issues

Response: Considering the age of your child, the behaviors that you mentioned are a normal part of child development. At this age children are learning to be independent and have a strong desire to do things on their own. Thus allowing children some level of choices is very important. It may help if you pick out two or three outfits you would like him to wear and let him chose from those. The shyness and lack of confidence are also natural at this age and can be improved by providing children with love, appreciation and opportunities to play and explore new things in a safe environment.

6. Done home work in emergency then goes for playing.

Gender: Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: The information provided is unclear and insufficient to provide a response.


7. My son studying in Class - IV is hard working student and obedient and also very shy in his class as well as with outsider people and not to share anything with his colleagues, however he is very well with his brothers in home. Since last two years I notice that he is behaving very odd. He does not seem to be paying attention to his work and is not getting very good grades. He seems disturbed and preoccupied. My husband and I have given him a detailed lecture on the importance of his studies. He listens and agrees but we don't see any progress. What can I do to help him and also to take good manner?

Gender: Male Age: 9 to 13 Category: Behavioral Issues

Response: The change in your child's behavior could be brought about by some external stressors and pressures, which may in turn be effecting his studies. You mentioned that he was earlier hard working.

Some of the changes that children react to include changes in the family situation, adjustment in a new class, conflicts in the family, exposure to any form of violence within the family or outside, death or illness of a loved one, an accident, experience of bullying, sexual, emotional and physical abuse, etc. if you are aware of a recent change and think that the child maybe reacting to it, then talking to him about that change, allowing him to express his feelings and helping him develop better coping skills will help his behavior to settle down. Try to understand his fears and concerns related to the change and address them accordingly.

If you are not aware of any obvious change, then finding out the reason would be essential before these can be addressed. Talk to your child when he is alone with you, in a calm and non-threatening manner about the changes you have observed in him. Allow him the space to respond. Some of the statements that might help you start the conversation are:

“I have noticed that you appear preoccupied and disturbed. Children can feel this way when something bothers them. This does not mean that children are bad or weak. I want you to know that no matter how big or small that issue is, you can talk to me about it. Talking about situations that make us feel sad, upset or angry or just talking about our feelings help us become strong. When we talk to a parent, a trusted adult, they can help us deal with it in a healthy manner.”

Make sure that you are not harsh, critical or too anxious when you speak to him as he may shy away from talking openly. He might take a bit of time to open up and in the mean time keep observing his behavior and spend time with him on daily basis.

Once you are clearer about the issues bothering him, you can work towards both addressing that stressful situation and helping him cope with it. If needed, write to us for further support and guidance.


8. Please help me sir.sir my friend(not a friend)my class fellow always spoke me in a rude manner when her friend was here.her friend also made difficulties for her but she was a type of afraid from her.but when my class fellow's friend was posted she always told that u r my best friend.but i dont like her because of her rudness before but i could not tell her because i am not confident i could not tell her about it thats why i make my new friends and she always tells me that i am her enemy and i could answer. This all which i have discribed only i know. Sir i'm very disturd please help me.should i make my classfellow my friend or should i continue with my own friends.sir if u solved i pray for u sir please please help as much as u can. Reply soon or i woyld be destoried:(

Gender: Female Age: 9 to 13 Category: Others

Response: It appears that you are finding it difficult to decide whether to continue being friends with this class fellow, who does not always behave very nicely with you. You mentioned that due to lack of confidence you are unable to say what you want to say to her. Friendships are an important part of any child and adult's life and fights between friends are also part of friendships. If we don't like something in a friend and are able to tell each other what we don't like, it can help build stronger friendships.

It might help if you try to identify the qualities that you admire in a friend in general and see if some of those important qualities are present in this class fellow. All of these qualities may be difficult to find in one friend, however, just assess if she has some of the basics that you require in a friend such as feeling respected, having fun together, being able to share your feelings, etc. It is also important to remember that you can have more than one friend and that being friends with one class fellow does not have to mean that you can no longer be friends with others. All the best!


9. Boring school.

Gender: Male Age: 14 to 18 Category: Others

Response: The information provided is unclear and insufficient to provide a response.


10. How to stop stealing habits in children?

Gender: Male Age: 6 to 8 Category: Behavioral Issues

Response: In ages four years and below, children do not have a clear concept of stealing and may pick up anything that they like. As the reach ages five and six, they become clearer about the concept of stealing. Identifying the underlying reasons why a child steals would be most important in order to guide and support the child. Some children steal because they lack self-control or feel that they might not be caught and thus need to be helped in building control and learning to follow rules. Others may steal if they feel that something is missing in their life such as love, attention, clothes, food items etc. Some may also steal out of peer pressure and some may steal as a reaction to stressful life experiences such as fights between parents, any form of abuse, change in the family or school environment, etc.


11. Behavioral related issues of young children.

Gender: Male Age: 14 to 18 Category: Others

Response: The information provided is unclear and insufficient to provide a response.